V. Ramani's web I AM, THEREFORE I THINK

I wonder if I am infringing copyright in using the title of this article: this phrase was often used by a former Chief Minister of Karnataka, who shall remain unnamed. When quizzed by the press about any political development, he would reply with an expansive smile “What does it matter?” He probably took his removal from office within a few months philosophically as well.
As one nears the biblical Rubicon of three score and ten years, close friends merge into the mists of time. The past few months and years have been marked by the passing away of those with whom one shared so much time in earlier years, bringing to mind, in a different context, the haunting words of the song from the film Kagaz Ke Phool: बिछड़े सभी बारी बारी.
Being fully aware of the tenuousness of life, why do we take it so seriously? When we look back at our life as it unfolded over six decades and more, it is difficult not to be wonderstruck by how events which, in retrospect, seem so insignificant dominated our thought processes and dictated the way we led our existence. We are free beings for roughly the first three years of our lives, till we become gradually aware of our distinct, separate identity: the “me”/ego/ahankara. Thereafter, Rousseau’s famous words characterise our existence: “Man is born free and everywhere he is in chains”. Social conditioning dictates most of our actions. Our families and parents, in most cases, set our thought patterns along specific lines. Teachers in our education system play an important role in further straitjacketing our minds. The average child is subjected to a fifteen year indoctrination on the criticality of succeeding in life, starting with outcompeting her/his peers in securing the highest marks. Subjects which will often play no role in the individual’s future life — algebra, trigonometry, calculus, physics — are drilled into the student’s head, with no thought as to whether s/he is suited mentally to receive such instruction. The educational rat race continues unabated, with anxious parents, especially in India, trying desperately to get their wards seats in medical or engineering colleges, either through coaching classes and/or payment of exorbitant fees.
And then starts the feverish rush to create a career — for most, the job market, for some, entrepreneurship and, for a chosen few, the political arena. In my case and those of my confreres in government service, it involved many hours on the job, often at the cost of family priorities. I wonder if the many hours spent in the secretariat were really worth it, rehashing cabinet notes and attending boring meetings. But it is at that stage of life that one is tempted by the lure of fame, glory, money and personal advancement. As the years advance, the “success” of peers, the open stench of corruption and the moral decay one observes all around — in professions, politics and social life — engender scepticism followed by cynicism (more on these in a later blog). In due course comes the day of retirement, when the organisation has no further need for your services. And realisation then dawns: what did I go through all this for?
With life expectancy rising, the superannuated individual spends a lot of time reflecting on the remaining portion of her/his sojourn on this earth. It is here that three basic maxims can help the individual lead a peaceful life, free of internal strife. Accept what comes: Old age brings with it attendant problems. That aching back, those knee problems, diminishing eyesight and hearing, unsteady locomotion, are inevitable accompaniments. The exit of near and dear from this earth brings to mind John Donne’s prophetic words: “Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee”. The gradual distancing from old friends and acquaintances, the preoccupation of people with their own lives and the realisation that you have to face crises largely by yourself are hard realities that confront you in your later years. Live in the present: Taking each day as it comes and handling challenges with aplomb are the mark of an evolved individual. Let life flow in its natural course and take pleasure in the small joys it brings — the chirping of the bird that greets you as you wake up, the first refreshing cup of tea or coffee, the greetings exchanged with a neighbour and the music and books that add colour and meaning to your life. Have no expectations: We generally forget that the world does not owe us a living. And yet we pin our hopes and fears on what we expect others to do for us or what we expect a munificent providence to provide us. Post-retirement years bring home to us the not always palatable truth that the attention lavished on us during our working years was predicated largely on the self-interest of those who worked with us.
It takes the most part of a lifetime to reach the hard conclusion that our lives are just part of a leela, a grand cosmic drama, where we, as bit actors, play our insignificant roles till we go off stage. As the bard put it in Macbeth, “Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more.” Or, as that remarkable lyricist, Shakeel Badayuni, penned it in the 1948 film Mela: ये ज़िंदगी के मेले, दुनिया में कम न होंगे, अफ़सोस हम न होंगे.